Episode IX

[thiago]

I made it to the merge!!! Oh my gosh!!! This is so exciting. I can't believe I'm here. I can't believe the fan/fave ratio is equal. I'm just so elated to make it here and so very lucky. This is such a great feeling.

Now it's time to get to work.

First thing I do, of course, is solidify myself, Zac, Knox, and Mark. These are the 4 I want to work with right now. I do know that at this point I am not in the best spot with these 4 but myself and Mark are running things so it works for now.

My real obstacle is trying to convince Starr that we can't let a fan go first. The first thing she told me was that she wanted to vote off Zac/Knox with Chad/Gloria (this is what Chad told Starr he felt best doing, so to prove her loyalty she agreed) and I said NO WAY. I got really firm with Starr and explained to her that we're giving up options by allowing the faves to possibly, if they so choose, to take out the fans. The minute we give up a fan is the minute the ball is in their court and we have to wait and hope we're not next. I don't want to sit around hoping I survive; I want to make it happen. I explained to Starr that of course Chad wants her to vote the Reliquum fans off first because then he can either go with Farrago or Admonitio and be in the perfect swing position. Starr realized this and is suddenly gung-ho on getting the fans together.

I have met Ben, Carly, and Taylor; Liam was not on. They all seem to be nice but I noticed that none of them spoke up when I said "it sucks that the merge wasn't live last night, I guess something came up for Justin." They knew very well why it was cancelled last night and the fact that they said nothing tells me they are keeping this information from me. I do know what happened because Gloria told me about Selena using a power that removed her from Judgment and that the remaining 4 made it 1-1-1-1 in order to boot her off, and Liam made the decision. I thought it was pretty harsh of them but it definitely shows that these 4 are tight and, given they are telling Gloria this information, they want the fans out, so I have to do my best to bring the fans together right now. Props to Gloria for being open with me.

I have been really trying to make it appear that the fans didn't really unite and it's an unusual mix and trying my best to really make everyone think it would take a miracle for the fans to join up together. It won't be easy but the reality is that this is what I am trying to do. If I can get the fans together I am golden. The hard part is getting Chad or Gloria to flop. I know Chad doesn't want to and is trying to trick Starr into feeling like he doesn't trust her and he will feel more confident if she votes a fan off and then as Farrago we'll take out Admonitio. Hold up, why can't we take out Admonitio out first, Chad? Very sly tactic of his and I'm glad I outted it to Starr. She knows what's good for us now, and that's voting off a Fave.

I know that Gloria may be willing to vote off Carly, and according to Starr, Bree said she wouldn't mind voting Carly. I'm really hesitant because I know Bree is close with Chad so I really need time with Bree to work her. I fear telling Bree about the fans working together because Bree could tell Chad and then we're all screwed if an idol is used for Carly. Gloria told me that Steph, her, Chad, Tina were in an alliance on Admonitio and then Taylor was supposed to go after the sacrifice, but instead Beau left and then Steph, so Carly must have flipped. This indicates to me that Gloria likely doesn't trust Carly so I'm hoping I can prod that angle a bit.

Zac and Knox have done a great job telling Starr that they want to work with her. Earlier Starr was panicing because she felt Zac and Knox might join Admonitio. I told Starr she's nuts; why would those boys join people they've never met? It's only logical for them to want to join the fans, and then I told Knox and Zac to be nice to Starr and tell her they wanted to work with the fans. Mark and I played it perfectly and Starr is totally believing that the fan boys want to work with her and now she's decided she even wants an all-fan Final 6! This is fine with me. Starr is positive Mark is most loyal to her so she feels secure in this idea. Again, totally fine with me.

Mark and I were discussing some possible moves we may make with the idol. He said he'll give me his idol if I save him. We also thought about making up an "idol detecting" apple and accuse someone of having an idol, with the negative being that we can never have an idol played on us. I think this is risky but people may buy it. We were also thinking about voting for the person who claims to have this power as maybe the penalty was a self vote at the judgment the idol detector is used, this way people would buy that the power is legitimate when a not-so-self-vote is seen. I also suggested possibly having Mark or one of the fan boys tell Gloria that Carly told them she wanted to vote off Gloria because she thought she was mad at her. I think Gloria could buy it and definitely would take Carly out. But Gloria is very smart so it would have to be done very slyly. I would need to be offline so Gloria wouldn't think I'm telling him what to do. Thank God for the invisible function on AIM.

Anyway, that's what my head is presently at. I'm super nervous but I'm hopeful that we can pull off a fan domination vote and put myself in more of a driver's seat.

[thiago]

I'm dying. I cannot talk to Chad anymore about his Grindr hook ups it makes me sick. He is such a gross person I can't even. I'm so sick of fist bumping and congratulating him and even encouraging discussion about some random kinda-fug dude he invited over to blow him. This guy represents pretty much everything I hate about the gays. And yes, I am gay.

Grindr is dirty. Sorry, but it is. It's where the lonely, insecure gays congregate to share both bodily fluids and diseases. This spoiled kid is in desperate need of a wake up call, I just hope it doesn't take an HIV+ result to realize it. He doesn't attend his classes and he wants to go into theatre arts. Maybe I'm snooty because I'm in sciences but how the hell are you going to get a job with a degree like that? His folks must be loaded. It's really unfortunate and I really wish him the best and I hope he matures ASAP for his sake.

This is a real test in patience. I'm sorry if I've offended anyone. I don't think all users of a hook up tool are disgusting people, I understand hooking up if you do your homework with the person, but it's a weekly occurrence with Chad and he's only a 17 year old kid. It's concerning...

[wendy]

[thiago]

I don't even know where to begin. I feel like I'm living in a mental asylum.

Everything was set for the 6 fans to work together and take out Carly. But then, the storm clouds rolled in and the stars went crazy. Correction, Starr went crazy.

Starr decided she felt like being a crazy psycho bitch this afternoon and decided to try and plead for Chad to vote for Carly. Keep in mind that we discussed not telling Chad or Gloria yet in case they tell the faves and they use an idol on Carly.

Chad tells me that Starr told him that I wanted the a fave out first. At this point I'm pretty pissed because the one thing I didn't want was Gloria or any of the faves feeling I was starting a fan colliation because then I'm a huge target. Mark and I may be masterminding getting the fans together but the minute we're exposed is the minute it's no longer a sneak attack and we become front and centre. Thanks to Starr, I'm in the spotlight.

I immediately told Chad that I hadn't said that, and played off that I was pretty upset with Starr and can't trust her. I'm not so sure he bought it, but I am hopeful.

I confronted Starr, which Mark suggested I don't do, but was successful in calming her down and stopping her from continuing with Chad. So at this point, Chad knows the fans may be working together, at least partially.

Bree then tells me that she is also trying to get Chad to vote for Carly and once again I am pounding my head against the keyboard in frustration. These chicks are so impatient and downright stupid. I understand they really fear a tie vote and want security but the votes aren't even going to be due until at least Saturday, there is so much time for things to happen. We don't even know who is immune! These broads think it's Saturday afternoon, what planet are they on?

Bree essentially said the conversation became a stalemate. Chad refused to vote for a favorite over a fan, and Bree the same (vice versa). They were both willing to vote out one of their own if the other voted one of theirs off first, but no dice. As a result, Bree doesn't trust Chad, her former BFF, as much as she thought. Perfect.

Starr got her head together, or at least I think so, and agreed to vote a fave off but not Carly since they now know who our target was and there's the whole idol possibility to be concerned about in case Laela didn't leave with it. I told her to shut up and calm down and lay low until Saturday, so she went offline.

Bree started telling me that now she wants to blindside Chad, which shocked me. She feels she can't trust him and wants us to throw him or Gloria off and take out Chad first. She thinks he's definitely not down with Farrago. I'm okay with this but I don't know if Starr would be. Starr has this strange trust for Chad and having him out of the picture makes Bree and Starr all mine.

Gloria said she wants to talk later so we'll see where she stands. I don't want to lie to Gloria but she does have reservations. She told me there are 3 people, including me, that she feels she won't vote off and may be her undoing because she thinks with her heart over her head with those 3. So I'd like to find out who the other two are.

Bree started to freak out that Chad might tell Zac/Knox that she was willing to vote one of them off and try and get the fans to turn on each other. I told her not to worry but I PM'd Mark to get his ass online so Bree could talk to him. I keep telling Bree she has a better relationship with Mark and for her to be in charge of keeping Mark in the loop, this way Bree feels she is more in control with the fans and less on the outs like she has felt most of the game. When someone used to being on the outs feels in control, it is very difficult for them to flip so this is exactly why I want Bree to feel secure, because I believe Mark/Zac/Knox are solid.

[edited for inappropriateness]

Mark has some dirt on Chad, because he told Mark that he wants to replace him with Starr in the Farrago group. Also, Bree has some bashing of Starr from Chad to tell Starr so that she will solidly join us in taking out Chad. I feel that Starr has such a bizarre relationship with Chad where he uses her and she takes it that when she realizes what she is to him she'll be fired off and really show off her good skills as a player.

At this point, we'll see what happens. The target has shifted from Carly to Chad. There's something about the letter C....

[thiago]

Chad's strategy in a nutshell:

To the Admonitio 4: "Favorites to the end!"

To the Farrago 5: "Farrago 5 to the end!"

To the Reliquum 3: "Let's take it to the end!"

The Fans' strategy: "Chad's not making it to the end!"

[thiago]

I've been trying to keep track of the apples.

Gloria: immunity the next time you attend Judgment
Selena: some sort of immunity necklace
Starr: null vote
Thiago: sword
1 Apple unanswered for. An extra vote would make a lot of sense, so this is what has me paranoid.

Selena used the Snake's apple

Mark has the second idol.
Another idol may still be in play if Laela didn't leave with it.

Mark and I have been discussing the possiblity of giving Knox or Zac our idol to play. However, I won't do it unless I feel sure I know who is receiving votes. At this point the faves may have a double vote. I don't see them working hard to try and swap anyone so this makes me worry that they are all together ready to use a double vote. I'm hoping I can get information from Gloria but you never know... This is such a tricky vote. I feel sick!

[thiago]

Wow, what a feeling. I'm so happy I just won immunity I could die.

Time for lots and lots of rest.

[thiago]

Chad finally approached me about the vote and was talking about needing to get something together or figure something out, and then quiet. The fact that he wants to talk about the vote but doesn’t actually want to talk about the vote indicates that he’s fishing for information to give to people he trusts more. It’s like there’s a line in the sand and no one wants to cross it.

Gloria told me the negative for her apple hasn’t come up yet and that I’ll see what it is. She won’t tell me, but I’m hoping she can’t vote at Judgment, that would be amazingly useful.

Knox decided he wasn’t happy voting for Chad because Chad has spoken to him and Carly hasn’t. It’s frustrating that this guy is never around and now he wants to call the shots. Chad himself said to me that he’s worried the fans are together and want Carly out, so voting for Carly, if they have an idol, could prove disastrous for us. I’m not sure why Knox doesn’t see that. I miss Gabe….

Carly and I had a nice chat about her job and such, I hope she’s learning to like me. I’m not quite sure how she feels about me but judging from her season she seemed to think about who she like when incorporating strategy, so hopefully I’m okay in her books.

Ben said he isn’t voting for me and I gave him the same compliments, but I don’t trust Ben, I really don’t. I think Ben is in pretty good with the faves. Gloria told me 2 faves, but she kept them nameless, were freaking out about the getting voted off last night. I know one must have been Chad given he was trying to get Bree to eliminate Mark in the challenge so he could get immunity, but I think the other was Ben. Our conversations are so empty and it’s clear he doesn’t like me as much as he suggests.

I eliminated Mark from the challenge to distance the way we’re viewed by others. Liam fell for it hook line and sinker. He PM’d Mark today telling him that he couldn’t help but notice that I eliminated Mark from the challenge, and that Mark may be on the bottom of—wait for it—THIAGO’s alliance. I’m worrying a bit, because this tells me I’m front and centre in the fave’s eyes and who knows what would have happened if I didn’t win immunity. Mark is going to play along with it and hopefully will get a good read on who they are going to vote off. I noticed in Liam’s confessional that he’s an INTP Myer-Briggs personality, so I sent Mark a link with a description so he’d know how to appeal to Liam, who is very theoretical and does not consider emotions when making decisions.

If Gloria does get to vote, I figure she will vote with the faves because she has been so vague with me. It really is irritating me. I feel that I give her more information than she gives me, although it is true that I’m trying to hurt her position in the game, so I shouldn’t sound like a hypocrite here. Furthermore, if the faves have a double vote apple then we’re certainly in some hot water, so I think Mark and I may have to use an idol on whoever Liam does decide to target, if it seems logical. Also, if Liam suggests voting Starr, Bree, or Knox, we can definitely show them to make sure they stick with us out of fear of the faves. We’ll see what Liam gives us. Mark will have to try and figure out who exactly he has with him. It’s going to be interesting and I’m so glad I’m immune. I really need to take this time to go UTR and make friends and continue to push that I am not as well integrated with a “fan” alliance like the faves seem to think, even if I am. Mark isn’t around much tomorrow which worries me so I hope some things can get going tonight before it gets messy…

Peace out,
T

[thiago]

I just told and showed Zac my idol. I think I can trust him and he feels less nervous about the vote now. I told him no one else knows so I hope he feels he can really trust me.

[thiago]

So Mark and Liam chatted.

Liam told Mark that he was worried about the Farrago 5 thing happening. He also said that with me being immune, he wouldn't mind getting rid of Starr. I'm very glad I won immunity now.

Mark was clever and mentioned some things about Chad coming to him about joining Farrago, which is true, and also about Chad being concerned about a Season 3 alliance since Steph went, which is true. Gloria told me that so I told Mark and he used it. I think Liam bought it, at least partially.

I'm only going to use my idol if I feel sure that all 6 faves are voting Starr. I think that people think we are together anyway, and it would further keep Starr close. But I don't see Gloria, and not even Chad, voting Starr, so we'll see what happens as the deadline approaches....

I get the impression quite a few people were not happy I won the challenge. I guess I will have to win some more!

Knox needs to be babysat. Zac thankfully keeps a good eye on him, but Zac isn't always around when Knox is. I think Knox feels his opinions aren't heard, but he talks to very few people and even admits he doesn't want to talk with Starr or Bree, so how are his opinions useful when he doesn't genuinely know where people are at or what's going on? Sigh.

Anyway, it's been very interesting. This could not be a more pivotal vote.

[thiago]

After rereading some of my posts I am concerned with how some of my comments will affect people, specifically Chad, after this is viewable to the public. "Project Cock" in particular. I got caught up in the game and did something stupid.

So I'm talking to Chad right now and I'm realizing that something is actually wrong with him, and I'm feeling very bad about my comments. Most of it is tongue and cheek, I don't actually have a deep-seated hatred for the kid. I was his age once and I know it's a confusing time when you're about to graduate from high school. I think what bothered me a lot was his comments about hating some guy for cancelling a hook up because a friend was in a car accident. I thought this was really in poor taste, and he said many other things to me. However, I never stopped him from saying it or scolded him for these comments, which I could have done rather than encouraged him at times, and instead vented in here, quietly. There is a game going on so I did not say anything to him about it. In real life, I certainly would have.

Chad said he's on medication tonight for his debilitating anxiety disorder so I recognize at this point that perhaps my comments could be very upsetting to him and cause repercussions that extend outside the game. Although I do quesiton the actions in his personal life, I recognize that the insecurities of a teen gay boy with anxiety can lead a person to do things that, to the outside world, seems inappropriate. Nobody is perfect, including myself.

I do feel that theatre arts is a useless degree. I stand by that.

In regards to the pictures I sent Chad of my "friends," I will clarify the status of that.

What has been done already:

I sent Chad two photos of friends of mine and told him that if he came to Toronto ever he could meet them.

That's all. It was not a serious plan and we never got into length about it. I said here is a photo of a friend of mine, is he your type? We were discussing the types of guys he was into. And then I showed him another, and he said he was hot too. I said if you're ever in Toronto I'll set you up, they're into younger guys. We're talking a 10 minute conversation tops. After that, he became much more open with me and I felt conversing with Chad was more open, which was the whole purpose of the icebreaker. It did not go into length after that. That's all that happened.

My reasoning for doing it was as a sort of icebreaker because Chad has been very closed off with me and I felt that it may open him up more with me and remove some of a wall I felt was hindering our conversations.

The game has been very stressful, and certainly not just on me, so it is no excuse to behave poorly, but I think everyone can understand that we both say and claim that we will do things (that often we don't follow through with upon cooling down) that we don't mean. I had no genuine interest in, for malicious fun, setting Chad's hopes up for meeting some attractive men to sleep with if he ever came to my city, which he doesn't plan on doing for at least another year if at all from my understanding. I don't find pleasure in setting anyone up for disappointment. I hope that this is very clear. I think most people who have viewed my confessionals can tell that it is not in my character to be inhumane, given that I am a fairly emotional person and can empathize with the insecurities of being an anxious, gay teenager.

If and when Chad ever reads this, I'm sorry. At the end of the day, this is a game and this is merely a story. My thoughts towards you do not transcend out of the game, nor did my actions ever plan on going outside of the game, as I have much better things to do with my time, and I'm sure you do also.

It would break my heart if Chad took it to heart. It's just a game, nothing more, and I'm sorry if he did get hopeful by my icebreaker technique. It is ruthless, but it was not intended maliciously. I think that's the best I can do. I forget that Chad is 17 and it's possible he got more excited about it than I intended. I'm not really sure what to do it about it now other than completely stop talking about it if it comes up, and it hasn't come up since we BRIEFLY spoke about it yesterday. This wasn't a lengthy conversation at any point.

Thanks for listening.

[thiago]

I've been gone most of the day saying my goodbyes. It's always the hardest time for me, saying goodbye to my family and friends. I have had an amazing vacation home and I'm looking forward to being back in a few months. The break was much needed but it's time to get back to work and into the swing of things! But it is still so hard for me, but I'll be strong.

As far as I'm aware all the fans are voting for Chad. I think Chad being the vote is the best way to guarantee Starr and Bree actually sticking to it considering how emotional they are, and given they are pissed at Chad, I think it locks their votes in. I'm not too worried about Knox because I can't see him being stupid enough. It wouldn't make sense. And of course, Mark and Zac are my boys, so I trust them.

Mark told me that the Liam "in" isn't going to fly. He said Liam basically said the faves didn't trust him enough to give him info. This confirms to me that the faves are sticking together, although this is contrary to what Chad said to me (which was that he has no idea what was going on).

Gloria told me tonight that she's voting with the favorites and she wouldn't really tell me who she is voting. This confirms to me that we have a 6 vs. 6 situation, potentially 7 to 6 if they have an extra vote apple. Right now I'm going to try my last attempt to get Gloria to give me information on who they are voting. If I trust it, I will play my idol on that person. Otherwise, it's going to be rough sailing for the remainder of the merge.

I will keep you posted and then post my vote before I go to bed; flight in the morning!

[thiago]

So I spoke with Gloria and told her that no one has really told me anything and that I was confused. I mentioned I have a flight in the morning and that I have to vote tonight. She hemmed and hawed for a while but eventually told me in confidance, much like when she told me she was going to vote off Tina (and did) that the faves were voting off Mark and that she isn't supposed to tell. She said she was still undecided on her vote and that the faves got their act together this afternoon and that no fans really offered her anything. She felt Starr was trying to get her or Chad to throw their votes and she didn't like that.

So the biggest dilemma of the game has come up.

I can't be certain that Gloria is telling me the truth. Perhaps she knows more about what I've been doing than I think, and she's trying to throw me off so I use an idol that she has always suspected me to have.

However, Gloria and I have been very close and I've set it up like we are a pair, or at least that I view us as a pair. Gloria has been working a lot this week so I feel I probably speak to her the most of everyone.

My concern right now is what do I have to lose?

Based on the PM Liam initially sent Mark, they think I'm in charge. I already won immunity so I am clearly a threat. If a fan leaves then it's very likely that I'm going to go soon. If Mark leaves, I have no protection. I cannot use my idol on myself; only Mark can use his idol on me. With Mark gone, I lose safety. I also lose my biggest ally in the game. Gloria says she would make sure I didn't go home the next round but I don't think she has control over that at all. She probably is underestimating it because she hasn't been around enough to view how the faves see me, and right now I think they view me as serious competition, even if they like me.

It does make sense for them to vote Mark, though. Liam did extend Mark and olive branch at first, but then he suddenly stopped. Mark did almost win that challenge, which makes him a huge threat. After Liam's attempt to bring Mark in, it's very possible that they would think Mark would never be saved with an idol because Mark feels he has an "in." It's very clever for them to vote Mark, and highly advantageous, so this is why I do buy what Gloria is saying.

Gloria said she may throw her vote away but at this point I can't risk Mark going home. I would prefer to give Mark my idol so that it isn't blatant that I betrayed Gloria, because I still need Gloria on my side somehow and clearly there's no way around this without it being too messy. I don't want Mark playing his idol because I don't want clues for the third idol coming out yet--too much paranoia for me! I also like the idea of Mark being able to protect me with his idol if he wins immunity soon and I do not.

Time is really of the essence so I'll have to talk to PM Mark and see if he responds, otherwise I'll have to go for a hail Mary here and protect Mark.

Man, this game is crazy. Fingers crossed..

[thiago]

PM I sent Mark:

Hey Mark,

I was speaking to Gloria while I was packing. After a long talk she finally told me that the Faves are all voting together and they are voting for YOU.

I know that there's a chance she's playing me here, but there is no point in risking it. If you get voted off with an idol the fans are all done done done. Especially me.

Gloria said the faves got their act together only this afternoon, so this matches what Liam said about not knowing earlier. However, this afternoon he sent you the PM to just vote however you want.

Honestly, given you did the best in the challenge, and also after Liam approaching you they probably think you would never be idoled because you *THINK* you have an "in" with the faves, so you really are the perfect person for them to vote for. Liam and Chad could have easily compared notes about what you said and realized you were playing.

So I've decided we HAVE to use an idol on you this round. However, I want you to use my idol, not yours. Your idol can be used on both of us if one of us is immune and the other is a target at any point in the game, whereas mine can never be used on me, and if we are in a situation where you're immune and I am in danger, my idol can never be used on me (I can't give it to you and then you idol me, my idol can never be used on me).

So what I am going to do now is post in my confessional that I am giving you my idol. I need you to post in your confessional that you ACCEPT *MY* idol (please be very clear of this) and that you are going to USE IT ON YOURSELF tonight.

I have a flight at 12:30pm Eastern. I have set me alarm for 9:30am Eastern. I will be online my computer from 9:30am eastern until about 10:45am eastern. I will then be online via my phone while I go through security and stuff until my flight at noon.

If you do not reply to this PM then I will simply use my idol directly on you, the only reason I would rather avoid doing this is because I don't want it painfully obvious that we are together and also I don't want to blatantly betray Gloria, given she could be useful to us further down the road. She also cannot play in the next 2 immunity challenges, by the way. That was the negative to her apple, so she CAN vote this round.

So please PM me as soon as you see this and tell me what you've done in your confessional.




JUSTIN/GOD, I AM GIVING MY PRIZE APPLE IDOL SWORD TO MARK I have told him to post that he accepts it in his confessional. I hope he plays it on himself. If he does not accept it before the voting deadline, I will simply be playing it directly on him.