Episode X

[thiago]

I am so relieved with how that judgment turned out. My risk paid off. My plane took off at 12:30 so I was dying to see the results before, but they didn't come so it felt like the looooongest flight ever! I've never turned my mobile on so fast after landing.

I know that Gloria probably still thinks I was in on it with Mark. I told her that I wasn't, and Mark is playing off to everyone (pretty well actually) that Liam tipped him off when he suddenly didn't want to work with him, so he took a risk. This way my relationship with Mark will be quiet to at least the fans. Zac is the only fan who knows everything but he doesn't know that Mark has the idol, as far as I'm aware. That's our little secret.

Liam "congratulated" me which made me feel like he seems me as a leader of sorts, which is concerning. The fans all seem to want to continue forward together, but my fear of an idol is very strong. I do believe Laela went home with it but you never know. There could always be a double vote apple and a fan could always be manipulated. I don't trust anybody anymore. I wouldn't even trust myself.

I really wish this challenge wasn't a mindless posting one. I'm back in Toronto now working full time as of today and also have classes a few evenings a week, so challenges requiring long periods of time with computer access will be pretty impossible for me. Especially this challenge which requires a minimum of 90 minutes to complete even one staircase! I hope it doesn't look like I'm cocky and didn't try in the challenge to the favourites; that would look really bad. I just cannot in any way participate this time and I am so paranoid about it!!

On a personal note, I'm so sad to have left home. I was having so much fun with my family & friends and now I'm back to work and studying. Sigh. I love my family so much, I already miss them terribly. There's no stronger bond than family.

I think right now the plan is to vote off any fave. Mark and I both secretly would like to see Ben leave because he's actually competent. Liam is kind of delusional. I don't mind Carly but she was a target before so if there is an idol it may be used on her, I'm not sure. I know Taylor hasn't spoken to many people either, so I can see Carly or Taylor getting axed. I know Bree doesn't want to target Liam because she feels that he would have an idol. I'm not so sure.

Bree and I have really bonded. Ever since Bree dropped her schtick, I've noticed that this person behind Bree really does have an ego. I've realized that the more I compliment Bree the more receptive she is towards me, and I feel like she may consider me one of her top allies at the moment. I know that Starr feels similar, as does Mark and Zac. I think Knox is wary of everyone but knows that, for now, he doesn't have a lot of options. I know that Mark is getting tired of Knox but we really need a fave to go. I don't want Gloria going because, even if she doesn't trust me, I feel she will stick with me until the opportunity comes up for her to backstab me and regain some control. I will have to keep my eye on this ninja latina.

I hope that the fans can stick together for some time. I always felt on Reliquum, if the other tribe didn't exist, I would be the last standing, so if I can make that an end game reality I may really have this game set for Final 3. Ironically enough, Chad messaged me when he was voted off and told me it was genuine on his part and wanted to keep in touch. This is good news in a jury vote situation but I'm still very worried about how he may respond when seeing how I've spoken about him. I really don't want to deeply hurt anyone's feelings. It's not that I hate him by any stretch, it's just that we are very different people. He's young, single, hormonal and I've been in a committed relationship for most of my adult "youth" and I'm 5 years his senior. There isn't much to talk about, and that's a requirement in a friendship for me: compatibility. We simply aren't.

Of course paranoia never leaves my mind so I feel like some of the fans have been manipulated by the faves and are going to take me out because they want another big move to happen. I'm so nervous that this vote is also so soon. I really want to keep talking to the faves to get a pulse on them. I assume most of them are nervous but if they feel they can talk to me that can only benefit me in the information department. My strategy has been to be the most informed person in the game at almost all times. I tell people what they want to hear and, in return, they are open with me. I think it's a clever strategy and I hope that it continues to work for me!

[thiago]

I'm so nervous.

I've been really busy the last couple days and I am ultra paranoid about the favorites playing an idol, or convincing a fan to flip, and taking me out. I really do believe if they had a choice of which fan to take out--especially with Mark being immune--I would be their first choice most certainly. I think they recognize the threat I pose, even if my own fans don't.

I'm not going to fret about it though, because there is nothing I can do at this point if it's going to happen. I just have to hope that the vote is as easy as it appears, and the favourites have, for the most part, given up/don't care. I don't think Carly or Taylor care at all but Liam, Ben, and Gloria do somewhat. Gloria committed herself to me after the vote, which seemed not completely genuine, so the fact that she hasn't even contacted me since makes me feel that maybe she found a way to take me out? I don't know. I don't think they have an idol because Laela having it would make sense, but making assumptions in this game is always a bad idea. You need concrete information at all times to base any decision on. Once you have concrete information is when you can start taking chances. Taking chances on hunches is a dangerous gamble.

Knox at this point remains adament that he is voting for Carly. He hasn't spoken to her and wants her out. Because we can't risk a 5-5-1 situation, we need to vote with Knox. Of course my paranoid state is worried because Mark told me that Knox admits he doesn't trust me so Knox could easily flip and vote me off 6-5, or tell the favorites he secured our votes against Carly. You never know in this game. It would probably be smart for Knox to do that because at this point Bree, Starr, and Mark are all pissed that Knox is dictating the vote because he's stubborn and they have even discussed voting him off at the Final 8 or 9 and have begun planning that. We'll see if it ever happens but I think Knox's best move here would have been to keep quiet like Zac is doing. Zac is a much smarter player, but also rather inactive, but I do really enjoy Zac. He is the only one besides Mark and I that know exactly what happened last week with the idol.

I can already see the benefits of Chad leaving. It allows Mark to be a huge challenge dominator. Although I would like immunity also, he has an idol that he can easily pass to me when he is immune in the future. It also amps up Mark's threat status which I would much rather have considering I feel like I'm a threat. If I do decide to go to the very end with Mark, he needs to be someone I can argue against. The other benefit to Chad going is that there is no one really swingining between the two groups. Gloria isn't active enough to really pull that off. Chad was always a question mark. I also see immediate benefits in that Starr and Bree are extremely open to me and I like it that way. Bree talks so much to me. I find it annoying, I miss when she couldn't speak English.. but she seems to like when I humour her, so I figure this will keep her firmly in my court for now.

Starr told me tonight that she wants to use Liam later on because they were both in Season 3 together. I think she may have told Liam that he was safe which concerns me because that narrows down who they play an idol on. However, I have to keep in mind that Ben or Liam would use their own idol on themself if they were smart. Why waste it on Carly? I can't imagine Carly has an idol. Mark wasn't too pleased when I informed him of Starr's relatonship with Liam. However, Mark does have things Liam said about Starr that we can use to separate the two if it becomes an issue in the future.

I like Carly but I don't see her ever turning on her allies. I don't see any place for her in my game, even though I wish I could keep her around because I do enjoy her. We'll see what happens. I hope we connected enough for her to want to vote for me if I was in the end.

This vote could either be unbelievably straight forward, or I could be in for a big surprise, and I find both equally as likely at this stage. I'm just hoping it all goes well. I will be in shock if my efforts to keep the fans together holds. I can't believe that Reliquum is--seemingly--a stronger group now than it was when we were an actual tribe...

[thiago]

Again, not sure if she's playing me, but Gloria said she's spoken to no one about the vote and feels confident the faves are all trying to save their own hide. I don't see why any of them have approached me but I guess they don't want to work with me. I do feel better feeling the faves are not a unit at all this vote, but you can never be too certain.

I told Bree to tell Gloria that she is voting Ben. I think the two are close and if Ben has an idol Gloria would tell him. Also, it would make Gloria upset with Bree when the vote isn't for Ben, and Gloria already hates Bree.